falling

falling knee deep into a pit of mud

the alcohol fueling my anger

i see you

i see you there

in the distance

too far to reach for me

and too high up in the air.

signals

clouds whispered

as fires rode through the night sky

sending shadows of smoke

through the air.

standing against strength

I lunge into the unknown

only to weep in despair.

lost

They must be out

Out of their minds

To feel as they do

Where there is no return

No return to the norm

No return to their arms

Arms that once held

Are empty once again

And lost in finality

nothing

There is a nothing

That consumes

As it seeps over my soul

Breaking everything that it crashes into

Only doing harm

Swaying back and forth

Never being seen only heard

All you want and need are gone

Here in the nothing

 

falling through eternity

I tripped over treetops and clouds

When I found you.

You stumbled over rocks and sand

When you found me.

You cried at the sight of remembrances

I did too

But now

You are a mere shadow

To the sky

And I a means to an end

Forces pull the ground toward you

While looking at the sun

And I

I am not one of them.

Leaving

You closed your eyes to tears of reality

You cried at the sight of remembrances and I did too.

 

an open letter to my dreams

Once I thought I saw you standing across from me looking at the moon high above us.

I was wrong of course but I claim I felt your eyes.

There was no home for us I wrote to you in an old letter of imaginings.

Darkness always creeps in when I try to write to you.

I don’t know why but it seeps into the cracks that I try to paste together.

But I still write to you.

I always have and always will.

I know that you go to the places I go

I feel it

I can’t even explain that.

Maybe its not for me to know, but some other thing in the universe to understand.

I always mean to tell you something that in the end I can’t remember upon waking.

Annoying to some but when I fall to sleep I find comfort knowing you could be there.

In a fog smiling and waiting just to see me.

Just to say hi and look into my soul.

Even though I now wear glasses to both read and do just about everything, I can see you too.

I will never know your face but the eyes are always the same.

There haunting me

Leading me down a silent road to a distant land of appeasement and joy.

The mixture of emotion is always fleeting toward dawn…

This is an unfortunate event for me.

Is it for you too?

Tell me your secrets…

You say this without a spoken word.

Of course I can read your mind as much as you can read mine.

Let me pull you deeper into sleep.

Let me show you a land through my window that we can share.

Feeling this, a cool soft moss beneath my feet

Breathing in the damp evening air

All the while in the warmth of knowing that you are there with me.

Always.

Do you feel this too?

I can sometimes sense you smiling.

The moments we share in solitude.

When will you reveal your face to me??

Is this a cosmic way of telling me that you are in my fact my one true love?

Yet another question that would bring a sly smile to you.

That is if I even let you know I thought about this.

Oh to know where and when you will appear in life

It’s a yearning thought

Of course I can never hear your voice

Just a mind meld that is so often spoken of in television and movies.

Laugh as you want but you know it to be the truth.

When I feel the dawn rising

You look as sad as I feel

But I think you believe we will never meet again as you are.

This is a possible fact

There have been many smiles and secrets in my life.

All of which have no face

No name

And of course different lands to show me.

There is an innocence in all of this.

I appreciate that.

I never want that to change.

I doubt you would either.

I am writing this to you with a smile that I know would make you grin

Most certainly as much as you did last night when I tried to get you to say something verbally.

The care you take with your secrets amaze me.

I wish I had that same dedication.

I just chuckled.

If you could see me now.

Doing this while my favorite music plays in the background.

It’s now almost 3am on a Friday night Saturday morning

I have broken the chain of our promises and have chosen to explain myself to you again

In another letter of imaginings.

I send this to you.

And this time the universe too…

With all of my love.

R

when you’re alone

Perfection from a distance

swayed my mood.

With a slight smile I gazed at you across the expanse

between us.

Sun blinding in its golden rays I blinked.

When I awoke you were gone.

Hanging my head I walked

away.